Friday, May 28, 2010


ob·ses·sion  (b-sshn, b-)
1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

Can an obsession become a habit? The actions become mechanical, there are no more emotion tied to the compulsion. I'm trying to figure it all out :-/

Thursday, May 27, 2010


6 oz Coffee, black
1oz fried plaintain chips
1oz Guacamole
8oz shrimp mofongo

1 banana
1 med. tangerine
1 boiled egg

4oz. baked chicken that I first marinated in Soy sauce, Sake, fresh garlic, black pepper, chili flake and a pinch of sugar.
3oz blueberries

And I finally "sloughed"off the 4#s of water weight I gained during my 5 days of gluttony. Phew. Back at 103#.

A feast for the eyes

Crossfit Games Northwest Regional Qualifier

Paleo is it

When I came into the Crossfit fold last fall, my first priority was to work on my fitness level; to love to be active instead of dreading it. Because of the ingenious programming of CF, I fell in love right away. I couldn't wait to become faster and stronger. 

In the back of my mind I rationalized that if I worked out hard then this would give me the excuse of eating whatever the hell I wanted. I've always thought that. Even when I got my first gym membership at Powerhouse Gym in Canoga Park in 1995. In the early 2000s, I was obsessed with indoor Spinning. I would spin two times a day. I would also eat anything my heart desired. I stayed well within my high school weight range (90-95#s), which only reinforced to me that I worked out to eat as I pleased, not for the multitude of GOOD reasons why one stays fit. 

You mix in my career- former chef, culinary consultant, and food geek... the 
"necessary" exposure of amazing culinary adventures that my jobs have brought to me. I called it work mandated eating. Working side by side with the best chefs in the world, the desire of honing my palate by eating everything I can, and just the added peer pressure that diets are for pussies-- it really shaped my relationship with food. I have in the past verbalized that I people on diets are not my friends. Those with food hang-ups/fears are my enemy, closed minded and narrow is their view of the world, and the world is made to eat everything in it.  I loved food. It never let me down. It brought me great pleasure. It was my ally. It came to a point where if I was having a bad day at work, I would soothe myself by indulging in a meal that I craved. It made it all better. 

These meals that were the salve of my wounds served as comfort, satisfying a base human drive, HUNGER.

Entering in the 3rd month of doing Crossfit on a consistent basis of 3-4x a week, I noticed that I hadn't lost any weight. I was still 119#s and my clothes were still very snug. I was perplexed. My formula of working out and eating what i wanted was not yielding the results I expected. I remember opening up to David, my coach/trainer,  about my concern. He did his best to try to take away focus from the weight loss, but asked if I desired to improve on my performance. Of course, I answered yes. His solution to my concern: Paleo

I remember coming home and googling the term Paleo. I ravenously absorbed as much as I could about the lifestyle. My initial thoughts were, "this is going to be temporary, cause there is no way I will want to live life this abbreviated." No sugar? No grains? No dairy? WTF? These were my friends. No more butter and sugar on white toast with a glass of warm milk before bed? I couldn't fathom. The foods of my childhood...

But my desire to get faster, go harder, be stronger won out over my sentimental relationship with "those" foods. I eased into my Paleo lifestyle. I didn't follow a strict regiment. I enjoyed cream in my coffee, had rice at my Mom's house, and occasionally enjoyed bread with my sandwiches. I would allow myself these cheats so I wouldn't go crazy. I also continued to consume alcohol. My results were apparent in the gym, a couple weeks into my program. The first 2 weeks I struggled with eating enough calories of WHOLE foods, to displace the calorie-dense carbs I took out of my diet. But once I got over that hump, my stamina improved and my strength increased exponentially.  Of course, with these gains my confidence soared and my desire to beat myself and set new PRs increased.

More than 2 months of this loose Paleo living, I had seen leaps and bounds in my fitness, and had lost about 7 pounds of weight. My clothes still fit the same. I still had a muffin top, a roll on my back under my bra strap, and my ass still looked droopy. I knew in my heart that I had to commit to a strict paleo program; no cheats, no sneaks, no rationalizing that I can't get through without a bit of grain in my day... 

On April 12th, I weighed in at 112.3 pounds and a BF% of 28.9 percent. That day I committed to a 30 (actually 37 days) paleo challenge that would eliminate sugar, dairy, grains, legumes and alcohol from my diet. In the first week, I lost 4#s, so when the Paradiso Crossfit Paleo Challenge started on April 19th, I weighed in at 108. On that day I also did benchmark workout Fran, and clocked it at 12min42sec. 

The first half of the 30 day challenge was easy, but the second half was unbearable. I started having dreams of my favorite (forbidden) foods. And my desire for an alcoholic beverage was too much. So I indulged. I had some beer and wine at the end of week 3. At that point I had already met my weight goal (actually surpassed it) and my performance in the box was exemplary in my eyes. I had enough energy to go 4-5 days in a row- all due to my paleo diet, I believe. Either way, I fell weak to my desires, but I wasn't going to beat myself up for it and overshadow all the gains and improvements I had made so far.  

On May 19, collectively as a box, we tackled Fran again to see if our "clean" month will show itself in our times. I did Fran this time around in 8min53sec, just 11 seconds shy of a 4 min. gain. I was pleased as punch. My final stats were: 9# weight loss (that's a little over 8% loss of my body weight), minus 3% BF, and of course, 3min49sec off of my Fran, all in 37 days.

After class, I jetted immediately to Santouka to order D-set, Salt. I couldn't finish my bowl of noodles or the chasu rice. I think my body was already telling me NO! I then met with my boss and had a large Kirin. From there I went to BJs brewery and had 2 pints of house stout. The next several days after I continued to indulge my hearts desire which included more beer, bourbon, fried chicken, rice and gravy, chili cheese fries, onion rings, croissants, donuts, ice coffee with half/half and more and more breaded and fried shit... then more beer. 

Every morning of those days of gluttony I awoke feeling bloated, lethargic, and just an overall feeling of discomfort. I also notice my skin started to become inflamed. I was breaking out like a 15 year old. My eczema was flaring up on my face and arms. My skin looked sallow. I didn't feel good about myself. 

The new week began and I knew that I had to get back on track to eating clean. I mean, just a few short days I had managed to make myself feel horrible. Not to mention, I weighed myself and I had gained 4#s (probably all water) in less than 5 days. That's when it started, the mutiny in my stomach. It was pissed and it was going to let me have it. I'll let you use your imagination on what a pissed of GI tract will do to its owner. That is when I made my vow that Paleo is it for me. "The proof of the pudding is in the eating."

My experience in the last 2 months has shattered any convictions I may have had in the past about my relationship with food. This epiphany is paramount in my life. My way of thinking has been completely rearranged. I've come to the conclusion that I have some form of allergy to grains/sugar/dairy; they cause an inflammatory response in my body. Removing them from my diet equates to performance gains at Crossfit. I have settled my sleeping patterns. I no longer deal with mood swings. I have yet to endure panic attack this entire year of 2010. (sidebar- I use to be a regular at the pharmacy to fulfill prescriptions for my insomnia, depression, dermatitis, et al; not anymore) I have yet to get sick since becoming strict on paleo. AND the cherry on top is I'm back in size 0, which is what size I wore in High school and college. 

The complete satisfaction that I achieved the goals I set out for myself is tantamount to the actual end results. 

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This I am

Pronunciation: \ˈfül\
Function: noun

A person deficient in intellect; one who acts absurdly, or pursues a course contrary to the dictates of wisdom; one without judgment; a simpleton; a dolt

I'm embarrassed by my own fodder. I am humbled. 

Why does it affect me so?

Pronunciation: \ˈje-lə-sē\
Function: noun

  1. Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position
  2. Having to do with or arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness


Seared ahi with avo

~Sweet Assassin says relax and have fun

Monday, May 24, 2010

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Beach feet

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.


With the close of the 30 day Paleo Challenge, I think I've been over doing it with the indulgences. The past 3 days I've woken up with a bloated belly. Lethargy is a word that has become prominent in my mind. Like right now I feel really lazy. It's almost 10AM and I'm loafing around. Why do I feel guilty about it? I hardly loaf. (I like the word "loaf")

I do have 2 goals today: go through all my paperwork/mail on my desk and get rid of anything I don't need; and to do yesterday's WOD of 4 rounds of 400m run and 50 squats. I'll probably head out to the El Segundo High School track to do it. I don't have a stop watch so it won't be for time... which makes me wonder if it not timing myself will take out some urgency in my work, hmmm.

To the meat of what's on my mind... Charles leaves in about 10 days. It's pretty crazy. I know he's going through a lot of emotions about leaving. Feelings that I don't think he expected to encounter. He feels very alone, maybe a piece of him doesn't even want to go anymore. I was over at his place the other night and he seemed really lonely. I just had to pick something up and really just wanted to be in and out; when I tried to leave, he gave me this look and a slight whimper, so I stayed. I don't think he has a friends that he can really be vulnerable with except for me. I sensed his heart was heavy so I pressed him to speak his mind. Charles immediately starts crying. It moved me greatly, so I wrapped my arms around him and just let him cry as I held him.

I think it takes a lot for a man to put aside his bravado and be in a fragile state, so I was very aware of how tender I needed to be with him at that moment; to really listen and try to understand what he's battling with, to validate his emotions and lead him to make his own decisions. Every fear and apprehension he shared with me was something I expected to hear. I prophesied that he would be dealing with these emotions as he got closer to leaving about a year ago, when we started having debates about his sabbatical. I would "accuse" him of not really thinking his plan through, that he was going into it with naive eyes. Of course, Charles would be defensive and accuse of being a sheltered city girl, who lives in a capitalist bubble with no desire to know what is outside of myself. This was what we fought about constantly... rooted mainly in his arrogance that he thinks he's the only one with worldly views.

(I was telling Crose that Charles and I never fought about basic relationship pettiness, like jealousy [what's the point?], our arguments had to do with morals, ethics, world views, spirituality, right/wrong--- meaty, conscientious topics that were more theory, than anything purely concrete. I don't know what that says about us, but it I think we were more evolved and highly aware about our roles in the universe. Insightful is the word.)

I don't have any sympathies towards Charles' feelings of fear and self-doubt. I think this is a piece of humble pie that he needs to swallow.  As always I will be there to "hold him up" as his best friend, but I will not try to salve his wounds with words of comfort. My opinion is to face your emotions head on, let them wash over you, embrace the feeling and allow them to pass in their own time. It will temper your heart and soul to experience feelings of discomfort. It is necessary for growth. 

Enough about what he's going through, but what am I feeling of this transition?  As separate as I am from him and the emotions of "missing" him, I am having my own metamorphosis that will be at completion with Charles' departure. I feel that when I see him off, it will be just what I need to move on, move forward with my own life. Even though my loving/romantic feelings have waned to non-existent, there is just something that keeps me from really being open to dating other men. Maybe that Charles represents safety, comfort, kind of like "home," and that when the idea of getting to know a whole knew person, investing time and emotion, it seems all for naught--- just tiring with no guarantees. So I rely upon my "Old Yeller," Charles for my male companionship. And it's just companionship, no underlying current of sexual tension, whatsoever.... You know how I know I'd never go there, because a couple months back, I smelled him and his body chemistry just repulsed me. It's the same smell I use to bath in night-in, night-out that now every fiber in my body rejects. 

As we lead up to his venture and my liberation, I know that he desires to spend a lot of time with me. All next week he has plans for us during the day. Friday is his going away party. Saturday I leave for Boston/NY. I will be back on Tuesday... Charles even worked it out that he would stay in LA one more day to make sure he sees me one last time (he was suppose to leave that Tuesday which meant we'd miss each other). I will give him what he needs, because it is EASY to.

On June 3rd, I will awake and see if I feel any different.

Charles and I had a good run at it. On to the next one.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Drunk people food!

Patrick and I's late night jaunt to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. 2 pc Chicken with rice/gravy, and a buttermilk biscuit. I'm just out of control this week.

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

This is how I do...

This is delicious Booker's Bourbon. Yup, Pats pulled out the good shit for my visit.  

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

I love you fishy!

I can't get enough of Araya Thai in Westchester. I always get the "Crazy Fish" (shown) which is Fried Golden Pompano (my favorite fish, along with perch and rock cod). It is served with that yummy sauce you see in the top corner; it's like sweet and hot and tangy. Ummm. I also ordered pad se ewe, which had that delicious charred soy sauce taste that I love so much. 

It's Yes to Lauren week (month-year-lifetime...). 

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Valley Crossfit and Sweet Assassin= BFFs

With a clock running for 20 minutes:

Run 800, then
3 Clean/Jerk (I cleaned only 65#s)
6 Pull ups (with band)
9 Push ups (knees)
At the end of the 20mins, run 800m

Your score is how many round you completed

My score: 5 rounds + 3 cleans

Soooo much to say... First, I loved this workout, even with all the running.  It was pretty crazy class with 24 peeps. We all warmed up collectively in the parking lot; 200m jog, skipping and DROM.

We paired up for the WOD. Janice was by herself with 35# bar and small kettlebell to do high-pulls instead of pull ups. I tried to do 65# clean and Jerk, but I couldn't get the bar over me. It is 2/3 my body weight. So Mike said to just clean the bar cause there were no more bumper plates for me to have my own bar. Mike told me to do a couple cleans to feel it out. I felt a lot of pressure. Now realize, that I just set that PR of 65# for my clean so the weight is somewhat new to me. I thought, I better do this, I don't want to look like a weak sauce in front of Mike :)

Well I did 2 right off, and my confidence shot through the roof and I felt good going into it. The 800m run wasn't bad at all.
During the WOD, after every clean I did I felt even more confident and strong. I felt good. My pull ups were nice, and I felt strong during my push ups.
The second 800m sucked. I hated it.

During the cool down, the first place woman at the CF Regionals walked into the gym and I got kind of excited, like a school girl. I'm such a goober.

I ate well today.

10 oz Chicken breast
4oz. broccoli/cauliflower
1 banana w/ 1Tbls of hazelnut butter

1 tangerine
Garlic Shrimp
5 jumbo purple asparagus

1 large orange

1 Sierre Nevada Torpedo IPA

Tomorrow is sooooo going to be rest day. Except that I look at the WOD and I really want to do it.

I'm fuckin' Crosffit crazy :D

I think Janice is seriously considering taking on Crossfit. I can see her coming up with all the objections... hopefully I've answered them satisfactorily.

Emotional disobedience

Esthero, My Torture

Set myself on fire

Anything to turn your head
I won't deny this
I'm burning from the things you said
Now you got me running around
And all that I've found is
I can't afford him
All I got is spare change
'Cause he was my fortune
My torture

Had myself a lover
I liked him 'cause of all of the books that he read and
He was like no other boy that I had ever met before
And I loved all the things that he said
I wanted to heal him
I did not plan on staying as long
I didn't think I would need him
So how did he become my torture, torture

My torture, torture
Oh yeah
My, my, my

My torture
It's always the
Always the sweetest thing
My torture
Where do I go
What do I do with this heart

My torture
My, my torture

I want you to comfort me
I want you to stop disturbing my sleep
I really thought you were my king
I thought you were my king
I want it to stop hurting so bad
My king
So, my king, so bad
My king
My king, so bad
So, my king, so, so bad, my king
So bad, my king
My king
So bad, my king
My king
So bad, my king
So bad, my king
My king 

I crave the needle, again

I haven't felt this wrecked since maybe my early On-ramp days. I'm soooooo sore. Really.

Annie fucked me up. The ache set into my abs yesterday, that I couldn't walk upright. I woke up this morning thinking that I had endured the worst of it, but I was wrong. I can't even laugh without grimacing. Ahhhh!

Then you take the Thrusters I did Monday and yesterday and you've got a 2 dimensional hurt of the shoulders and and hips. My glutes have dull ache in them as well.

I'm not bitching. I'm not. This groaning and moaning is actually pleasure in knowing I'm "ripping" shit up in my body. Even though I hurt, I still giggle.

My body is telling me to take a rest day, but I'm going to work out with Valley Crossfit this evening with Janice. I'm happy to be by her side and hopefully she will feel what I felt the first day I walked into a box. And I can't help but be excited to meet other passionate crossfitter's at what seems like a "good" box. YOu know what I mean when I say "good." I'm still reminded of my poor experience at CF High Voltage. It's too bad for them... just not good karma.

On top of being sore, I awoke with a tender and bloated belly. Probably all the noodles, rice and beer I ate and drank last night. So I'm back on Paleo-Zone. Chicken, bananas and hazelnut butter for lunch. Yummmmmmeeeee!

Is it possible to **s* someone you think is a total ***e?

April 19t Fran- 12:42
May 19th Fran- 8:53

I did better than I envisioned for myself. I thought in my wildest dreams that I could possibly take off 3 mins, but almost 4 mins is soooooo exciting.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It's hard-knock life for us, Annie


50-40-30-20 and 10 rep rounds of:

Double unders Rounds 50-20 did single unders (200-160-120-80), last round of 10 did Double Unders

Sit ups

My time- 12:11

Really happy with my time. I didn't know what to expect, maybe 15-16 mins. What got me along quick was that I was kickin' butt doing the single unders. In the first round, I got to 115 without stopping. For the round of 120 and 80, I didn't stop once, just did them straight through. For the last round, with the DU, I was really surprised that I didn't choke... I knocked them in the chain of 2-2-3-then 3 again- the fact that I could NOT even chain 2 together before today, so that was my first time ever :) 

When I called time, I was completely wiped out. Kind of like how I felt yesterday with Tommy V. I'm really satisfied with the work I've been doing so far this week. I 'm coming off of almost fainting last Friday... I really beat myself up for having to "tap out." Like I'm ashamed or some shit. It's trippin' me out. 

So to perform well in my eyes the past couple of days feels very encouraging.

***Update 5/19/10*** Woke up this morning and my abs are screaming. I'm pretty sore all around, esp. my hips and my shoulders. I hope that movement throughout the day will loosen them up in time for Fran this evening***

Tomorrow is the last day of the Paleo Challenge. I will be doing Fran once again. Then, I'm going to crack open a beer and drink it very quickly. Then I'll get into my car and drive to Mitsuwa Market on Centinela... and get in line at Santouka. I'll order D-set, med size, salt ramen, no green onion on the Chasu over rice. While I wait for them to call number out in Japanese over the loud speaker I'll go into the market and buy myself a jasmine green tea, the one with the pink label. 

I will then slurp, slurp, slurp. 

I can't fuckin' wait :)


"Tommy V"

21 Thrusters (115/ 80) I did 45#s

12 Rope Climbs I did rope lowers, starting from the ground

15 Thrusters

9 Rope Climbs

9 Thrusters

6 Rope Climbs

My time- 10:04

Felt really good about my thrusters. New guy from Oahu, Rich, gave me some pointers right before the WOD so I felt very conscious about my form, how to conserve energy and how to break it down into manageable pieces of work. I met Rich about a month ago at the first Crossfit 101. He ended up getting an apartment right next door, where Suze's lives. He's a little reminiscent of Jim, but not as creepy. 

This workout is a good precursor of Wednesday's Fran. I feel I've improved greatly on my pull ups and now that I know what works for me on getting through the thrusters, I'm starting to feel good about my Fran time improving. 

I've really been slacking on my monitoring what I eat.

Today I have turkey breast, brussel sprouts, rapini, mushrooms, onions, tangerine. 

Little fried fishy. 

Soon dubu with beef. 

1 boiled egg and 1 chicken sausage, orange, beets, rib eye.-- all at the Diso's pad. We chilled after hours and laughed about a bunch of shit. hahaha.

(Cheaters is on in the background. It is sooo entertaining. ahhh.)

Kale salad. 

I think that's it. 

Sunday, May 16, 2010


A portion of a blog entry that I wrote on January 3, 2009. 

You know what confounds me? When people are not impeccable with their word. When they do no do as they say. Or when they misrepresent in their words their actions. On the surface it is the slightest of all offenses, but it's impact can be a tidal wave by proportion. I keep a high standard for those I surround myself with. One might call this standard "judgmental" but I refute that with a moral standard. I would never judge a person on a standard that I wouldn't uphold for myself. That is the measure of my standard. If I fraternize with a person whose actions are something I would not accept for myself, then the act of being with the person is a form of CONDONING for myself these actions.

The agreement with myself

face value
1. Apparent significance or value

I need to be more conscience of taking the actions or words of those around me at face value. Inflation of those words or actions can lead to speculation, then disappointment. 

I think some would say that I hold an unrealistic ideal of how I think people should conduct themselves. Actually the ideals I have for the people I let into my life are the same ideals I have for myself. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. 

Crossfit has introduced me to so many different people. Some that I know that I will be my friends for my entire life time (pats, suze, the disos, even matty) and some that are just passing through. But even the acquaintances have a purpose of exposing something of myself to me that I may have not known... I believe each person comes into your life carrying a tiny mirror to show you a part of your character that comes out when you interact with these people. Currently, there are a few unsavory folks in my sphere that are teaching me a lot about me. My tolerance and patience are taken to the threshold with these people. It's very revealing... and refreshing. I'm trying to make it habit to not judge uncomfortable situations-- they just ARE. 

I must not loose focus on my purpose, which is to live a life of TRUE LOVE. To act in loving-kindness. Even with those who test my will. I cannot sweat the minutia of daily pettiness. As long as I conduct myself in a way that is in loving-kindness, I will never have to fear the outcome. I will have inner peace knowing I applied love at all times. 

I think Sunday night meditation is calling me back at Agape. I need to have more moments of self-removal.
Maybe I need to donate more time at Project Angel Food, it's been since before I joined Crossfit that I've been in the kitchen. As I've been caught up in my physical well-being, I think I've sidelined my spiritual growth. 

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Famished (and sleepy)

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Friday, May 14, 2010

When it rains it pours

I fell faint during my run at Helen x5 rounds. So I tapped out.

Waking up in 5 and half hours to go to SF.

I have so much to say, but so little time.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I hate you now dumb bells!

But one day I will dominate you! Why does everyone want to put there hand on my purple shoulder when they greet me :( ouch!
Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Love Lost- Temper Trap

Our love was lost
But now we've found it
Our love was lost
And hope was gone

Our love was lost
But now we've found it
And if you flash your heart
I won't deny it
I promise

I promise

Your walls are up
Too cold to touch it
Your walls are up
Too high to climb

I know it's hard
But I can still hear it beating
So if you flash your heart
I won't mistreat it
I promise

I promise

Our love was lost
In the rubble are all the things
That you've, you've been dreaming of
Keep me in mind
When you're ready
I am here
To take you every time

Oh, our love was lost
Lost, lost, lost, lost..
Our love was lost
But now its found

Tuesday, May 11, 2010



faultless; flawless; irreproachable:

To really master being impeccable will require that you heighten your awareness not just to the words you say, but also to the emotions you express, your attitude, your actions, and where you express the power of your belief. You will need to develop a discipline of mindfulness to be impeccable in these expressions through out the day ~ Don Miguel Ruiz The Four Agreements 

Back squat bliss

My time- 8:39

Loved today's WOD. I think I could have done more weight, but really wanted to work on my form, get really seated at the bottom, get the bar lower on my back. Also, my shoulders were really tight from the WOD yesterday, so 60#s felt good. I did the first 15 straight through. Racked the bar. Did 5 more. Rested. Did 7. Rested. Then knocked out the last 3. Jumped on the rower, and my legs gassed out at like 300 meters, so I felt my arms compensating with bigger pulls to keep pace which killed my lungs. I got a 2nd wind at about 800m mark, and finished strong. I got off the rower and my ass was burning somethin' crazy. My glutes are tingly as I type :)

Quite proud of the fact that my 500m pace was clocked at 2:35. My goal is to be below 2:30, which is big feat considering my height. I think when I started CF, I was above a 3min 500m, so I'm super pleased.

For the warm-up, I opted for the 800m jog. If you don't know, I hate running/jogging. Hate it. My head has all these voices that turn on when I jog: "Your lung is going to collapse" "This or that joint hurts" "My lower back" all this crazy shit that isn't really happening, but used to psyche me out. And it works. So I started my jog, knowing that during an 800 I usually stop 3 times; once at the back side of the brick building, then again at the middle of Suzy building, then in front of Suzy's building. I stopped once today- the side of Suzy's building. I did my hardest to ignore all the little feelings in my body and just looked up and kept a good pace. Acheiving these little goals may seem sooo minute, but in my mind I'm leaping huge buildings.

What a great day!

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

So many different players on my plate

2 eggs, a chicken wing (random, I know), 1 apple with sunbutter

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Monday, May 10, 2010

I don't have a title

Seven rounds for time of:

10 Handstand push-ups

10 Dumbell Squat cleans (45/30)

10 L-pull-ups

Scale: 45#-40#-30# Strict press, 20# DB, Strict PU with band with a 10sec hold on deadhang in chair position. Phew! Lot's of mods. 

So the first round, I was able to do 10 STRICT presses. 2nd round I was only able to get the bar up only 4 times before I just couldn't lift up at all, so I went down to 40#s. Did that for a round and a half and then the same thing happened, my arms just were done. So finally finished up the last 2 and half rounds at 30#s. 

The DB Squat cleans were the fuckin' worst. Like, really. I did 20#s in each hand...  and I don't need to waste my words on describing the suckiness of doing 70 DB squat cleans. And the bruises I got last Wednesday from the DB triplet WOD have been reinjured and are purple all over again--- YAY!

The strict pull ups were only tough because my arms were completely gassed and just wouldn't work anymore. The last 10 (of 70!!!) were ugly. I could only do one at a time then have to take a short break and really shake out my arms. From 10 down the 1, my pull ups go progressively uglier. Did the last one and had to go into a 10 sec deadhang in the chair position, with your knees perpendicular to your body, mimicking sitting in a chair. My abs feel great, btw. 

After Diso called time for me (cause I couldn't speak) I sat on my stack of weights and my face went numb. Seriously. I couldn't move my mouth. I could just breath. Even though i was sitting, I was slumped over. I stayed in that postion for a good 5 mins, and would have for longer, but Gretchen wanted to work out where I was. She moved me into a folding chair. 

Soon enough I collapsed on the floor, laid on my side and proceed to give into my growing drowsiness. I slipped easily into sleep. I could still hear what was going on in the Box... it was cool straddling the fine line between consciousness and unconsciousness. 

Woke up to G and Dawn killing the same wod that put my ass sleep. G with a busted ear at that!
I look up to both of them at PCF. G is just such an athlete, and she is sooo fricken' chill. 

In the end, I love this WOD for pushing me to the edge. Round 5 Diso asked how I was doing, and I got all whiney and cry baby like, saying, "I'm tired." Remember, the pinnacle of taking me to the edge is that feeling of crying during or after the WOD. And I felt that today. 

What did I eat today? 

Oo, I discovered a "greasy spoon" down on La Tijera called the Coffee Co. Had the yummiest mush-onion-bell pepper-ham omelette. I et it all. with fruit. I think I could put mush-onion-bell pepper-ham on anything and I would eat it. 

See, I killed it :D Yum 

Saturday, May 08, 2010

I love...

my Mom so much. She always knows what to say to set me straight. I'm glad I'm spending the Mother's Day Holiday with her.

So I'm set straight :)

Early am, regionals day 1

Breakfast at Chateau Garcia.

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Crossfit Journal saves my sanity

This is my Crossfit Dreamboat:

1:27AM and I'm deadly tired. There is no way I'd make it to Idalia's place. I'm soooo fucked right now. How am I going to make it through the night?

I'll keep indulging in CF Journal. Ugh.

This could be dangerous.


un·in·hib·it·ed   (ŭn'ĭn-hĭb'ĭ-tĭd)
  1. Open and unrestrained
  2. Free from traditional social or moral constraints.

This is my constant state. Open. and Free. Oblivious to the social moires that the outside world blindly follows. All white noise.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Fish tacos!

With fajita mix instead of rice and beaners.
I want you inside of me  :)

soon, baby, soon.

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.


se·cret  (skrt)
1. Kept hidden from knowledge or view; concealed.
2. Dependably discreet.
3. Operating in a hidden or confidential manner: 
4. Known or shared only by the initiated

We all keep secrets. Secrets are kept secret because usually they have the power to hurt or injure someone. Maybe that someone is yourself. So you harbor the secret in a manner that suit your motives; you draw energy from it. You may be dying to share your secret, because all that energy you can't absorb all yourself, so you start to align accomplices whom you feel will guard and feed off the secret as you do. You tell the secret to one person; and he tells it to another, who in turns tells another... and so on and so forth. Soon the energy is being drawn from so many people that the secret no longer has the same value it had when it was your secret alone... 

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

The Counter post WOD

Five rounds of:

5 Dumbbell deadlifts

5 Dumbbell hang cleans

5 Dumbbell push presses

5 Dumbbell squats

Increase the load each round. Rest as necessary between rounds.

I should have taken today as a rest day. My upper body is so stiff from Barbara yesterday that I should have known that it would affect the outcome of this WOD...

***Update*** Can I just add that the soreness as has spread to my abs. My abs are sooo stiff that I can't walk full upright. I know why I'm so jacked in the abs, cause in that last round I did the last 30 sit-ups with a monster quickness. I was throwing my whole body up from the ground using my arms for momentum. I was doing 2 sit-ups per 1 of Caroline's. Finishing I jump right into the 40 squats and hammered them doing the first 27 without stopping. I'm sooooo sore. 

12-20-25F-25F again. So I gave up. Yup, I gave up. Not super happy with myself, but I should have listened to my body. Epic Fail!

Admittedly, my head wasn't in it today either. I felt an anxiety (not Panic) attack coming on at the office around 4:40pm. I took a Xanax to cut it off at the pass. By the time I got to the gym, I was so detached from what I was doing. And the stress of the next 4 days weighs a bit heavy on me. 

I can't wait to sleep. 

Beef, bacon, onion, mushroom, and garlic spread.

Oh yah.
Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Larchmont Larder Love

I am highly aware that this isn't Paleo... I had the worst hankering for Spaghetti and meatballs, so I thought just the meatballs. I was relieved to find out that Chef uses almond meal/panko combo as a binder, which makes it a little less bad, but then the server brought it out covered in cheese. Instead of being a pain in the ass, I just scraped it off.

Thank god I ate this lesser offense vs the plate o' pasta.

Sweet Assassin- Don't ge

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Facebook Status November 30, 2009

Lauren Nicole Half way done with Crossfit On-Ramp, and I think I'm in deep. Just got home from crossfit, planning to go back in 12 hours :)

November 30, 2009 at 9:05pm ·  · 


I'm going to et you, food!

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

I did a teenage "Barbara"- making me a pedophile


Five rounds, each for time of:

20 Pull-ups

30 Push-ups

40 Sit-ups

50 Squats

Rest precisely three minutes between each round.

I did the 1st round in 6:28 as RX'd + the 3 mins of rest... Zeb told me to do the scaled down version for the next 4 rounds.

10 Pull ups
20 Push ups
30 Sit-ups
40 Squats

Here are my times including the rest:
R2- 13:22; 3m54s
R3- 21:44; 5m22s
R4-29:51; 5m53s
R5- 37:28; 4m23s

I really went all out the last round even though I was gassed. The 3rd and 4th round were the hardest, for sure. 

I'm starving. 

I no longer have an imagination

Sweet Assassin- Don't get too close.

Monday, May 03, 2010

I love me some Snatch!

New England Sectional Event 1

Run 800 meters

30 Snatches (115/75) ( I did 45#s)

Run 800 meters (I rowed)

My time: 17:32

I feel really confident in my form with the snatch now. I'm definitely feeling it when I commit to get under the bar and get the weight over me with fully locked out arms. Like an Aha! moment. It gets tougher when you're tired as F**K. So I rowed. I'm glad. The last 150 meters on the 2nd round rowing I had Diso and Matty in my ear to go all out, and I was able to keep my pace at 2:32 till the end, which I think is a great feat. Called time and felt all the heat coming off of my face and body. I loved it :)

So much is going on inside of me. I'm think I'm on the brink of change. Change is a poor word. My views and opinions are slowly evolving... Evolution! That's it. Not a change. An evolution. 

I think I had a breakthrough regarding Charles and I's friendship. I think I was really real with him yesterday. I didn't edit my words or thoughts... I think we are true true friends. I told him that I'm enjoying being single, that I'm enjoying the rediscovery of being a living, breathing woman who's almost 30. My eyes are wide open... Finding out what chemistry and attraction means all over again; having confidence but not abusing it. All that "identity" shit that you work through in the decade of your 20s is worked out. How cliche, right? 

This may not make sense, but I think I'm going to grow up this year. My mom and I spoke at length about it and now is the time. 

See what I ate for breakfast below.
Snack- Tangerine
Lunch- Kale and beet salad. Tangerine.
Dinner- Seaweed Salad