Wednesday, December 30, 2009

WOD (rest day)

5 rounds of

15 Hanging Squat Cleans (10# dumbbells)
20 Push ups
15 Inverted Burpees

My time: 30:01

OMG this workout really really really really kicked my ass. I felt faint a couple of times, but probably because I didn't eat anything good this morning. I can' believe I survived a 30 min. WOD. Imagine working at your max for 30 mins straight.

As I came down from my work out high, I felt invincible.

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Monday, December 28, 2009


Snatch 1-1-1-1-1-1-1

I'm still have problems with my form and technique, so I stayed with the 15# bar.

I'm determined to master this SNATCH!!!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

WOD "Diane"

21-15-9 reps for time

Dead lifts (85#s)
Handstand Push ups- I subbed with box dip, I can't explain it, but it very much simulates the same movement of a handstand push-ups.

My time: 11:56

My shoulders are screaming.

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Saturday, December 19, 2009

MY workout of the Day was....

I thought I would be a good student, trying to raise my endurance and stamina, by biking from my place to Crossfit in Marina del Rey. Well about half way there on Fiji Way, my front tire goes flat!!!!!

Ugh, it was about 80 degrees and I didn't bring any money... I call David to tell him my misfortunes. I decide to take off the front wheel (Leah carried it) and push my bike to Crossfit. Along the way, a helpful bike enthusiast stops to try to repair my tire. Well, after 40 mins of replacing the tube and pumping with air, the repair doesn't take.

We continue the walk to Crossfit, about 1 mile away. I get to the gym completely dehydrated and stiff from hold my bike up; my shoulders were screaming. At that point, it was 1PM and the class we just finishing up their workout. David was kind enough to do a mini workout that consisted 3 rounds of 500m rowing, with 2 mins of rest between each round.

While I was rowing away, Leah took it upon herself to walk to Sports Chalet and get my tire repaired.

We bike home. We stopped several times along the way as I was completely exhausted... My legs were just had no more gas in them.

I weighed myself this morning and I was 114.4lbs. Last Monday I weighed in at Crossfit at 119.4lbs. That's whole 5 pounds that I fluctuated.

It's frustrating. I don't feel like my clothes fit any looser.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


Squat Clean 1-1-1-1-1-1-1

So the exercise is you start at a challenging weight, from dead position you do one Squat Clean. Then you add weight and do one, and so on and so forth for 7 seven rounds.

Well, I had some technical difficulties and couldn't do the whole skill set. So at 40# I practiced my Hang Clean, then into a Hang Clean Squat with intention to do all the motions together to comprise a Squat Clean.

My shoulders are screaming right now. And I warmed up with jump rope so my calves are going to be feeling dandy tomorrow.

I'm back at it again tomorrow at noon. I plan to take Gay'b to get to Crossfit, yay!

Think you can do better?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Monday, December 14, 2009

My first big Boy WOD

3 rounds of
500m Row
12 Deadlifts (65#s)
21 Box Jumps

for time.

My time- 21:40

The average time for this workout for a beginner is 15mins, so I have some work to do to get to 15mins.

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Friday, December 11, 2009

WOD was the repeat of Day 1 workout

200m run
3 rounds
Ring Rows
200m Run

My time: 7:05

I'm sooooooo proud of me!!! I'm just 13 seconds shy of cutting my time in HALF. I did this WOD 4 weeks ago and I clocked in at 13:53 and I even think I skipped the last round of ring rows cause I was sooooo out of shape and I just didn't have the energy to do it. I feel so accomplished and happy.

Big ups to Lolo!

To celebrate me, the 2 other trainees and our trainer, David, pounded beers as we cooled down.

Now onto the big boy Crossfit classes. I'm a big scared.

I can't wait until I've built up strenght, stamina and skill level on all the exercises.

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Thursday, December 10, 2009


200m Run
3 rounds of:
20-15-10 Kettlebell raises overhead (18#)
3 rope raises/lowers

My time- 7:08

Tabata- A Tabata workout (also called a Tabata sequence) is an interval training cycle of 20 seconds of maximum intensity exercise, followed by 10 seconds of rest, repeated without pause 8 times for a total of four minutes. In a group context, you can keep score by counting how many lifts/jumps/whatever you do in each of the 20 second rounds. The round with the smallest number is your score.

Tabata of Sit ups 4 mins.


So I scored a 4. All with no real stomach muscles. I rule.

This work out really kicked my ass/abs.

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Monday, December 07, 2009


10 Min A.M.r.P. (As Many Rounds as Possible) of

10 One handed Snatch/Squat (right)
10 Walking Lunge
10 One Handed Snatch/Squat (left)
10 Walking Lunge

I did 3 rounds in 10 mins.

Think you can beat my AMP?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

WOD this morning!

400m run
20 Walking Lunge
20 Ring Pulls
20 Squat Press
20 Knees to Elbows
400m Rowing Machine

My time: 15:24

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

WOD 11/30

Dead Hang Clean 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Full Sit ups 20-18-16-14-12-10-8-6-4-2

My time: 11:47

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

WOD 11/30

Dead Hang Clean 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Full Sit ups 20-18-16-14-12-10-8-6-4-2

My time: 11:47

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Monday, November 30, 2009

Flashback WOD to the first day 11/15

200m run
push ups
Ring pulls
200m run

My time 13:56

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Friday, November 27, 2009


5 rounds of:

10 Wall Balls

10 Push Ups

10 Ring Pulls

for time.

My time 12:54

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Thursday, November 26, 2009

My contribution

to Thanksgiving dinner:

Roasted Parsnips

Pan Roasted Brussel Sprouts with crispy proscuitto

Celery Root Gratin

Ooey Gooey Pumpkin Cake

Biscuits (from Pann's- Sshhh!)

It's 12:50AM, the cake just went into the oven and I am fucking beat!

Monday, November 23, 2009


3 Rounds-
200m Run
20 Walking Lunge
10 Jump Pull-ups

My time- 10:02

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Saturday, November 21, 2009


3 rounds of 250m of rowing and 15 squat snatch(35#s)  for time

R1- 3:04
R2- 3:33
R3- 3:58

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 for time

Dead lifts 12KG kettle ball

Push Presses 8# dumbbells

My time: 5:36

Think you can beat my time?

Come to Paradiso Crossfit Marina Del Rey

Saturday, October 03, 2009


My mentor, the reason I am who I am in my line of work has pancreatic cancer. He's sooooo strong and stubborn and he won't let this get him down. I just know it.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Cambria and Cambria

Blog September 6, 2009

I am in Cambria, a beautiful seaside town. Tranquil, small, quaint. Everything LA is not. Nature is accessible and real. Not man-made or a fa├žade. LA is trees and water brought in from somewhere else. Nothing is indigenous to the area but the Mexicans begging for work outside of Home Depot.
But here in this small, sleepy town of Cambria, I feel as if transported to some other REAL place. I am proud, yet sometimes ashamed, of my city girl core. I know that a small part of me yearns for this slow life. Last night, Dakota and I went to the happenin’ place in Cambria for some beers. The place had a saloon feel called Mozzi’s, pronounce “mosey.” We walk in and heads turn as we bee line it to the bathroom. The metropolitan side of my brain immediately sizes up the joint and its inhabitants. Scruffy looking men drinking domestic beer, wearing Carhart work pants and boots, dirt in their finger nails, emanating the smell of 100 ashtrays. Their skin is leathery and worn, evidence of outside manual labor. The women looked as if they were “rode hard and put away wet.” All between 30 and 45, they, too, looked weather beaten and dehydrated. They wore outfits that could be found in decades past and wore copious amounts of makeup. Everyone was WHITE, as in Caucasian. Not that I’m uncomfortable with that, but I felt they were uncomfortable with me being NOT white.
Dakota and I probably exuded the aura of “not bein’ from around these parts.” Our goal was to have a drink and be merry, maybe shake a tale feather or two. I’ll spare you all the details, but there wasn’t a man who didn’t try to talk to us. I think every older gent shot me a wink that I thought maybe for a second this town was afflicted with some eye disease. We survived a couple of bar brawls that made me have to seek refuge by standing on my booth and table to avoid the massive swaying of man bodies. I did get to shake my tale with a nice younger man.
As fate would have it, on our way home from the bar, we notice 2 of the young vying for our attentions earlier walking down a dark road (there is only one main drag in this Podunk town). Dakota and her charitable heart decide to stop and offer them a ride. Uh, oh, here come the adventures. One of the men had the biggest shiner on his left eye and the other was the man I danced with and kept having to avoid his advances of trying to kiss me that entire evening. Coincidentally, the home they are renting is just 4 blocks from where were staying….
Fast forward: We got home all safe and sound and went skinny dipping in the hot tub, which was magnificent at 2 in the morning.

Day 1 down on my weekend getaway....

Friday, August 28, 2009

A state of being


Definition: misery resulting from affliction

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I'm trying the best i can.

Time is moving really slow. I swear I got home at 6PM, and it is 9:36PM, yet it has felt like I've been here for full day.

Today is full of ups and downs. Sometimes I feel good and confident. At other times I feel as if in the depths of despair.

Breath in, breath out... I pray for peace in my heart. I want to be healed. Please, Lord, heal me. Please, Lord, heal me.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

today i ate

1 cup red grapes
1 slice of whole wheat toast w/ creamy soy butter
1 bottle of Green Machine
2 cups green salad w/ balsamic vinaigrette
8oz. vegetarian asparagus soup
6 ginger chicken potstickers
1 banana
half an apple

I wonder how many calories that is....

Friday, May 22, 2009

no title

Why do I keep denying it? I love to sing. I really do. It really brings me joy. I need to do it more often. But I want to hone it, my voice, too. Not just sing in my car. I don't want to be famous, I just want to sing and stir in people emotions with the song I sing.

Step 1- Singing lessons, maybe?
Step 2- Karaoke nights?
Step 3- Open mic nights?

Sleeping pill kicking in....

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

One more thing

I made the most delicious Peach Crisp and hand whipped cream. I even surprised myself.
Perfect marriage of peach, buttery crumble top and chantilly cream.
Let's have the pictures do all the justice:

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


My sleeping pill is kicking in and I'll probably read this tomorrow and not even remember writing this.

Of late, I have been craving to get high on pills. It's more of a feeling: It's the feeling I would get when I was laid up in the hospital and the nurse would pull up to the door of my room, check my vitals, then ask me what my pain level is. I would lie and say a level 9. The filipina nurse would then turn on her reebok'd heel back to her cart built like an armored truck. Inside is the entire floors supply of medication that can only be administered by the RN. The key to unlock the "safe" is hooked by one of those retractable belt thingies around her small waist. In the hallway, she would pull out a glass vial from a concrete case. Inserting the needle into the bottle top she pulls back the plunger to a desired cc. After returning the vial in the "safe" the nurse breaks off the needle, leaving only the syringe that is now a perfect male fit to my female IV.

Then she would walk towards me with a nice motherly smile. At this point, my brain is firing off a million miles per hour anticipating getting my fix. On the outside, I have grimaced face to simulate level 9 pain that doesn't exist. Filipina nurse says, "Don't worry, this will help with all the pain." She then pull a small blue square out her pocket, rips it open to reveal an alcohol swab that she use to clean the insertion site on my IV line. Then she attaches the syringe full of dilaudid/morphine by a simple quarter turn, and slowly starts to push on the plunger. She goes slow since my vein is small and weak and does not want to "bust" the vein. She also goes slow because the opioids themselves burn inside the vein and can be very painful. The entire process is completely pleasurable to me, the anticipation of getting my fix up to the time the drugs actually reach my brain and I can barely keep my eyes open. I love it. I really really love it.

Its the same feeling I get when I have to use anesthesia for any procedure, like when had my wisdom tooth taken out. They gave me a cocktail called "Twilight" of a Benzodiazapine, a Barbituate, and an Opioid, like demerol, morphine or stadol. I love love love love love love Twilight. I would love to just take at home to chill the fuck out.

Man, my desires for these illicit things are still strong, that I don't really care about the consequences when i'm craving.

right now, i have 3-80mg Oxycontin. but I have no desire to take them, because I don't think I'm not going to like what how it will make me feel.

Time to pass out.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Good morning, it's wednesday!

Here's a typical thing. I haul ass to get to the farmers market by 7:30am. I arrive to get a text from my chef that he can't make it. A little perturbed, I am determined to be grateful of the change of plans. I buy a bag o'cherries and walk to the beach to bask in the morning light.

I need to change my paradigm.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

This I know for sure

I'm chemically imbalanced. It's a constant battle between my body and my own desires to have mental peace and clarity. I'm hardwired differently because of my drug use of the past, at least that's what I've convinced myself. I'm pretty sure I would be able to "deal" with things better if I were on a consistent medication to elevate my mood, to "balance the imbalance". I choose not to medicate; instead, I "manage" it the best I can by keeping busy to create a sense of fulfillment, never allowing myself to just be still because I have myself convinced that if I just be still the negative thoughts will take over. So I mask them with busyness. Of course, the things I occupy myself with are never truly satisfying, but only wear me thin... Soon enough I'm ready to give up, tired, dissatisfied, hopeless and mildly depressed. My lethargy kicks in, my drive is non-existent, and I'm chastising myself for letting it get this far.

At my lowest point, I stay in bed, don't eat, surf the internet for another job and start considering ways to cut my cost of living (like moving to another apt or downgrading my cell phone plan). I'm filled with self doubt and impending doom. My biggest fear is that I'll be found out... that someone is going to figure out that I don't have my shit together, the shame that accompanies that, then the guilt of knowing that my life isn't bad at all and my feelings of inadequacy are forms of weakness and I need to remedy myself of personal defects and MAN UP!

So it begins all over again, the cycle of disparagement, until I'm completely brow-beaten--- a meek, insecure shell of my true self.
I think I've been in denial about the truth of my chemical makeup. I've always been afraid to ask for help or need someone; it's the stubborn in me Matigas ang ulo.

A year and half ago I started having these "dark spells," it coincided with a break up. A few month later I noticed that it paralleled my menstrual cycle. My pMS was a deep depression. I was diagnosed with PMDD, Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder, and was prescribed Yaz. Within 3 months my PMS was "normal," but other side effects were weight gain. When I started to feel better mentally I decided to take stop taking Yaz. Immediately I started having extreme mood swings, mostly anger and rage. I had to be put back on Yaz. I'm wondering if the efficacy is wearing off on my PMDD...

So the cat is out of the bag: I'm nothing but flesh and bone.

Monday, April 27, 2009

I think you should know

I dropped out of school.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I don't want to be rich on paper, I want to rich in EXPERIENCE!!!!

I think I have Celiac Disease. The anemia, GI issues, GI bleeds, the eczema, the super bloat... I plan to call my Primary Care Physician to get a blood test done.

I'm very interested in taking up photography as a hobby. I lust the Canon EOS XTi. There are some on craigslist for less than $500, new unopened. That is what I want for my birthday.

I have gotten over my obsession with quitting or trying to get fired from my job. I looked out on the job listings and there is nothing out there that I have interest in doing AND for sure there are no listings that would even give me the personal freedom I have currently AND I really do not want to start all over again to get where I am financially.

I really need to start saving money. Every month I say "next month" and i never put away what I want. Instead, I "realize" that I need something or something big pops up, like new tires or brakes, that prevents me from putting away money. I have no discipline because I completely rely upon the next paycheck to come in. It's horrible. I wish I could live like this would be my last paycheck, I would rethink on some of my frivolous expenditures. But at the same time, I hear my Nanay saying, you can't take it with you. For example, I want to go to Hawaii for my birthday. I cannot justify not going just so I can save money. I want to experience life NOW. I don't want to be rich on paper I want to be rich in EXPERIENCE! So, yea, Charles and I are going to go away and bask in paradise. It will be worth every dollar I spend. Time spent with loved ones with the limited time we have on this earth has a bigger return of investment than some measly few percent the money would have made sitting in my bank account.

It's always YES to Lauren.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Breakfast blog

I'm moved into my new place.

I realize that I love change. I actually thrive on it. When life gets into a routine I like to shake it up a bit. I really seek grand adventures, to travel the world. I want children someday, but I don't know where that all fits in. There are still so many things I want to do on my own before I'm tethered by the responsibility of motherhood.

I do feel really blessed, I like the trail I've blazed so far.

I think a few people think my move is a step backwards, but sometimes you have to forsake somethings to be able to make leaps and bounds. All I keep thinking is my move to NorCal in 2 years. I feel relieved that I have goals besides being some worker bee drone. It may satisfy some people, but the idea of working day in and day out just irritates me. Ironically, I sought stability, and once I've achieved it I want to relieve myself of having to maintain it. Aren't I a contradiction?

I do hope to find a partner who embodies the same spirit I have. I am not attracted to those who settle, romantic or platonic. Most whom settle bitch and moan, but do nothing to change it.

Leah says that I date men not on my intellectual level. She's probably right. She thinks that difference is the catalyst that lead to an eventual rift in my relationships. Not one man in my history can I say, "He's so intelligent. He has so much to teach me." Well, maybe Michael had that potential, but I guess we'll never know... I don't have closure with that. Unrequited love, I think, is more painful than love that has met its demise. I still carry this ache in my heart that is dull, yet constant. Do not mistake this ache for hope, those have been dashed a long time ago. But I don't know how to make the ache go away. I battle everyday to try to love Michael unconditionally, but it is very hard. So I'd rather just mask it.

I've felt that I've made impact on my lovers lives, expanding their horizons, teaching them through my eyes. Even if it means just means showing them tolerance and patience in how I treat them. I can honestly take the credit for showing most how to communicate... how to "fight" properly. Eli was the worst in the beginning. He always threatened to leave, but when the first time he tried it and I didn't try to stop him or wasn't going to chase after him, he realized that threat had no power in my home. If he was frustrated he would take the time to cool off, rehearse what he wanted to say then deliver it in a calm manner. It was quite amazing to witness him evolve that way.

Carla's mom hasn't passed away yet. It's long drawn out death. It's horrible. She is not at peace with her mortality.

I'm hungry...