A Fran torta!

Run 400 meters

"Fran" 21-15-9 

Thrusters (35#) 

Pull ups

Run 400 meters

So much swimming in my head. I've had such an emotional day. I have chosen not to share what was the culminating point of the day where I lost my shit and just couldn't stop crying... but it could have been worse is all I have to keep telling myself. 

I got to the gym a hot mess. My mind was racing and I couldn't focus. Working out was not fathomable. I forced myself to warm up. Squat cleans were part of the warm up, and in the past 2 months I would have just ignored it, I decided to grab a bar and try my hand at some light squat cleans. I only went up to 35#s. I used this bar for my thrusters as well. 

The 1st 400m run was "fast." I really sucked at thrusters. Probably cause I haven't done any bar work using my hip flexor in so long. My pull ups felt great. I was doing them in sets of 7 and 5, so Yay! 

The last run was just plan sadness. But I didn't stop jogging, and by jogging I mean shuffling my feet at a very slow pace. I probably could have walked faster. I was trying to keep up chest up and shoulders back and relaxed... Pick up the heel, pick up the heel. 

At the end, I'm glad for the WOD cause it took my mind off of the horrible thing that happened to me today. 

On my way to LAXCF I burst out in tears again. How will i ever get over this? 

It's almost midnight and no signs of back pain associated with the movements I did today. I think I'm going to slowly transition back into lifting again but really light and low reps. I don't want to sabotage the improvement I've made. And BTW, I just can't afford to do A.R.T. two times a week. So I stopped. Even though I would love to continue, cause I can feel that my damaged tissue isn't as widespread as it was when I first started the treatment. 

Too much

I could have kept going. 20 Min WODs are interesting cause you eventually switch over to aerobic phase... And cause I've been Crossfitting for over a year and 8 months, I have decent endurance. So when 20 mins hit, I still had some fuel in my tank. I mean, with surviving WODs like "Murph" (67 mins) or Filthy Fifty (38 mins) 20 mins seems to be that middle time where your body isn't at high intensities, nor is it completely depleted. 

I think I should have made it a 12 min AMRAP and gone really hard. 

Either way, I did feel good after the wod. My arms are gonna sore. I was able to do my 15 DUs unbroken for 6 rounds out of the 11. 

An aside:

I've really really been trying to tap into all those virtues that seem to allude me, like: patience, acceptance, 

loving EVERYONE. I feel sometimes I'm being swallowed up by the crazy, little voices in my head... The ones that cause suffering. I'm trying to have a healthy relationship with my suffering. The more I resist the more I FEEL it. I've been employing deep breathing a lot lately. It's like I have to talk myself down from the ledge every FUCKIN' day.... Then rationale sets in, and I feel foolish.

Does this have to do with some deep seeded issue of inadequacy or self-loathing? It's soooo tiring. Why can't I just stay grounded in my heart all the time?

I just want to cry.

I don't have a title

Seven rounds for time of:

10 Handstand push-ups

10 Dumbell Squat cleans (45/30)

10 L-pull-ups

Scale: 45#-40#-30# Strict press, 20# DB, Strict PU with band with a 10sec hold on deadhang in chair position. Phew! Lot's of mods. 

So the first round, I was able to do 10 STRICT presses. 2nd round I was only able to get the bar up only 4 times before I just couldn't lift up at all, so I went down to 40#s. Did that for a round and a half and then the same thing happened, my arms just were done. So finally finished up the last 2 and half rounds at 30#s. 

The DB Squat cleans were the fuckin' worst. Like, really. I did 20#s in each hand...  and I don't need to waste my words on describing the suckiness of doing 70 DB squat cleans. And the bruises I got last Wednesday from the DB triplet WOD have been reinjured and are purple all over again--- YAY!

The strict pull ups were only tough because my arms were completely gassed and just wouldn't work anymore. The last 10 (of 70!!!) were ugly. I could only do one at a time then have to take a short break and really shake out my arms. From 10 down the 1, my pull ups go progressively uglier. Did the last one and had to go into a 10 sec deadhang in the chair position, with your knees perpendicular to your body, mimicking sitting in a chair. My abs feel great, btw. 

After Diso called time for me (cause I couldn't speak) I sat on my stack of weights and my face went numb. Seriously. I couldn't move my mouth. I could just breath. Even though i was sitting, I was slumped over. I stayed in that postion for a good 5 mins, and would have for longer, but Gretchen wanted to work out where I was. She moved me into a folding chair. 

Soon enough I collapsed on the floor, laid on my side and proceed to give into my growing drowsiness. I slipped easily into sleep. I could still hear what was going on in the Box... it was cool straddling the fine line between consciousness and unconsciousness. 

Woke up to G and Dawn killing the same wod that put my ass sleep. G with a busted ear at that!

I look up to both of them at PCF. G is just such an athlete, and she is sooo fricken' chill. 

In the end, I love this WOD for pushing me to the edge. Round 5 Diso asked how I was doing, and I got all whiney and cry baby like, saying, "I'm tired." Remember, the pinnacle of taking me to the edge is that feeling of crying during or after the WOD. And I felt that today. 

What did I eat today? 

Oo, I discovered a "greasy spoon" down on La Tijera called the Coffee Co. Had the yummiest mush-onion-bell pepper-ham omelette. I et it all. with fruit. I think I could put mush-onion-bell pepper-ham on anything and I would eat it. 

See, I killed it :D Yum