Too much

I could have kept going. 20 Min WODs are interesting cause you eventually switch over to aerobic phase... And cause I've been Crossfitting for over a year and 8 months, I have decent endurance. So when 20 mins hit, I still had some fuel in my tank. I mean, with surviving WODs like "Murph" (67 mins) or Filthy Fifty (38 mins) 20 mins seems to be that middle time where your body isn't at high intensities, nor is it completely depleted. 

I think I should have made it a 12 min AMRAP and gone really hard. 

Either way, I did feel good after the wod. My arms are gonna sore. I was able to do my 15 DUs unbroken for 6 rounds out of the 11. 

An aside:

I've really really been trying to tap into all those virtues that seem to allude me, like: patience, acceptance, 

loving EVERYONE. I feel sometimes I'm being swallowed up by the crazy, little voices in my head... The ones that cause suffering. I'm trying to have a healthy relationship with my suffering. The more I resist the more I FEEL it. I've been employing deep breathing a lot lately. It's like I have to talk myself down from the ledge every FUCKIN' day.... Then rationale sets in, and I feel foolish.

Does this have to do with some deep seeded issue of inadequacy or self-loathing? It's soooo tiring. Why can't I just stay grounded in my heart all the time?

I just want to cry.

Mind fuck

5 Rounds for time of:

400 meter run

95/65 lb Overhead Squat, 15 reps

Austin Malleolo 10:16,  Karianne Dickson 11:50 (65lbs)

Scale Version A:  Lower weight

Scale Version B: 3 rounds

This work out got inside me and bullied me. My head arriving in the box was distant and tired. I woke up early to receive delivery of my dining table but they ended up pushing back the delivery to 2PM, making me the opportunity to have a full 8 hours of sleep. 

Just 3 days ago I set a new OHS PR of 60#s. I decided I wanted to go heavy (@ 3 rounds), which meant for me 90% of my PR weight. For warm up Zeb said it would be good idea to load up heavier than your WOD weight for a couple of attempts so that when the WOD started your bar would feel light. 

I decided to attempt 65#s for a new PR. Well I did it! I'm overhead squatting 65% of my body weight. Woo hoo!

3-2-1 Go! we start on the run, which was fine. All 3-400 meters were fine. I was slow, but I wanted to conserve energy for my squats. 

All 3 rounds of OHSs were very challenging for me. Round 1 I broke them up in sets of 5. Round 2 I dump the bar a couple of times, barely able to hit sets of 5, just knockin' out what I could. Round 3, I knew I was gassed. My first attempt had me submitting to the bar's weight and I was laying on my back. It really psyched me out. I C&J the bar and locked out my arms. My mid-line felt really wobbly. It took me almost 30 seconds to get my feet planted. I took a deep breath, and started my slow descend into a squat- I did 5, then 3. On my 4th attempt,  I could feel my arms want to give out, I started to waiver, my bar coming out of the frontal plane; I tried to pull my arms back but it was too much, I dumped the bar and fell on my ass again. At this point my frustration came to head and I felt tears coming down my face. I was sooo tired, unsure if I had it in me. I only had 7 more to do. Setting up in front of the bar was the most intimidating thing I've felt in a really long time. 

I knew it was all in my fuckin' head. Zeb was right there talking me through it. He knew where my head was at. He reassured me that my body is completely able to lift and squat that weight, that I should not doubt it. I don't know how, but I got through my last 7 reps. I felt really alone those last moments. 

The mind is so strong. I'm relieved I got through it. I wanted it bad though. I was pissed that I retreated to fear. But not for a second did I think that I was going to give up. Look at my time, almost 25 mins... mostly of me fighting off the "I can't's" in my head...

I think it's good to have WOD experiences like this one every now and again. It's humbling and terrifying all at the same. It reminds me why I keep coming back and wanting to do more, faster and better. 

OHS you will be my bitch one day. 

This just blows my mind

My gears they grind
More each day
And I feel like
They're gonna grind away

And the city blocks
They drive me wild
They're never ending
Mile after mile

I just don't know what to do
I'm too afraid to love you

It's heaven on earth
In her embrace
Her gentle touch
And her smiling face

I'm just one wishing
That I was a pair
With someone
Oh somewhere

All those sleepless nights
And all those wasted days
I wish loneliness would leave me
But I think he's here to stay
What more can I do
I'm wringing myself dry
And I can't afford to lose
One more teardrop from my eye


Too afraid, I'm too afraid
I just don't know what to do with myself
Thinking all about you
Don't know what to do
Don't know what to do
Drivin' me out of my mind